P'tit Lolo
by Curlycurlz
Summary: 'We see her for what she is: Daughter of Babylon. We shall not be tempted, Lolo, we will not be- No, Lolo! ' Frollo has a bit of trouble controlling his - er - passions.


_Frollo sees agents of Satan all around him. He must remain vigilant. After all, if not for him, who would protect P'tit Lolo?_

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><p>Ah, the Feast of Fools. Look to the rabble, Lolo. There was a time when you and I might have flocked here with open hearts and minds, quick to absorb the sin and evil stinking in the air. Those times are long gone. No we are wise, and pure, and we walk among them and yet above them. We shall not be tempted. Lolo, you and I are saved another day from Satan's grasp.<p>

We are free, _exempli gratia_, from that clumsy temptress writhing about on the stage. I confess myself unimpressed by Satan's efforts. Coal-black hair and heathen skin are among the telltale signs of daemonry, leaving aside the whorish dress. Other men here will be fools against it, Lolo, and thus will they condemn themselves in thought and deed this very day... but us, Lolo? We shall see her for what she is: Daughter of Babylon. We shall not be taken, Lolo, we will not be-

No, Lolo! How dare you stand for her! Lie down, Lolo! Can you not see that she has bewitched you? Fight her powers, Lolo, or I shall whip you. I swear I shall whip you, Lolo, as much as it will pain me I shall do it if you do not lie down! Now, Lolo!

What's this? She approaches us. See what you've done, Lolo? She has seen you and is coming to drag us to hell! What's this? She presses her temptuous body against me, strokes my chin with her decadent hand. She knows, Lolo. You have betrayed me. you have made me fornicator. You are pleased. Even now, I feel Satan's fire within me. I shall transgress, here, now, before God and my flock, and nothing will save me. She will take me and I shall follow. Damn you, Lolo. And thank you, Lolo.

But what- AH! She tricked us, Lolo! Her evil intent was not to commit sin with us, but to humiliate us! To expose us! Hear them laugh, Lolo. We are condemned and we are made ridiculous. That Gypsy witch must pay for our humiliation. She must die. She must burn...

But alas! Satan's fire burns yet within us. I am human. I am defenseless against it! I must succumb. I will succumb. I will have her. She will be mine. Lolo, You will know that sinful pleasure yet!

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><p>So... yes, this fic was about Frollo talking to his penis.<p>

Perhaps I should explain.

I watched _Hunchback_ with a goal in mind: figure out the exact moment when Frollo crossed from thinking "Look at that disgusting display", and "This burning desire is turning me to _sin_." And it's actually pretty blatant: mid-dance, she crawls up into his lap, sticks her boobs in his face, and draws him in for a kiss. Frollo's face is all, "Whaaa? Me? Really? That's it I renounce everything LET'S BONE" and then she thumps his hat and scampers off and immediately his face is all, "How dare you thump my hat while trying to make me think you wanted to do me! DIE, bitch!" And then some other stuff happens that progresses him up to "But she will be MINE or SHE WILL BURN!" But it's the boobs-in-face thing that really matters. Remember, the scarf from that scene figures very prominently in _Hellfire_.

So then I decided to test my theory in fic, i.e. to see if I could throw Frollo into a zealot rage using only the boobs-in-face scene.

Why the penis? Well, that's very simple, really. First I imagined that a sexually terrified man would have a more-complex-than-average relationship with his junk. Then I thought, what if his mother gave it a cute name when he was a baby and he just never stopped calling it that? Then my brain was like "P'tit Lolo" and I went "Thank you, Brain, that is EXACTLY what Claude Frollo would nickname his penis."

But, whether you agree or disagree... please review? I'd like to hear your thoughts on the theory.

Um... right, plug time. If you like how I write _HB__oND_, check out _The Meatpuppeteer_. If you like how I write Frollo, keep an eye on _Mr. Disney Renaissance Man Pageant Competition_.

-Curlz


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